also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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