but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
