His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
