Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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