I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
