Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
