when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
