A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
