P.S. I can't hear my feet
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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