if you like me you must not know who I am
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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