I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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