Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
