I saw his package. It spoke to me.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
i think i just lost a toe
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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