This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
