TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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