My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
