Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
