and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
