Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
