awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
