textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
