So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
