he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
they're like a gay fantastic four
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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