This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
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