Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Randomize
