my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
