k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
