My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Randomize
