LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
