Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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