Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
