Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i think my mom watched the whole time
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
