Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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