Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
