I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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