You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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