That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
