I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It's blow job season.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
