Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
