You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
