are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
