the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
