The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
