He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
