wake up i wanna do it froggy style
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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