Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
