ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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