I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
