It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
