I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
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