he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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