aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
