would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Randomize
