And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
